Resources for Pastoral Care & Counsel

Apr 13

Many pastors, church leaders, caring church members are concerned for those who find themselves social distancing at home with someone who may be to them. How can we be aware of these situations and how can we help?

First, as Diane Langberg strongly states, the church (leaders, laypeople, friends) should not try to do something they are not trained to do, like investigate charges of abuse. If some type of abuse is suspected, this should be reported to authorities who know how to handle these situations while keeping in mind the safety of the vulnerable. That doesn't change under this pandemic.

One issue with sheltering in place for many who are at risk for physical or emotional abuse is they have lost their respite. For example, the abuser or the victim is not going to work, the children aren't going to school. This also means outside eyes and ears for detecting abusive or escalating situations are gone. Those who have a natural relationship with someone in a situation where abuse could be suspected may be able to regularly check in with them. Keep in mind that abusers may hear the call or may check the phone itself for texts and calls made/received. Those who do call to check in, therefore, need to be careful with their words. Church leaders need to be careful that their calling to check in doesn’t arouse suspicion in the abuser who may think their partner or child has said something to someone. Remember that sometimes even as we are well intentioned in trying to help those in these vulnerable situations, we can inadvertently increase the risk of harm. Be careful that you don’t try to do what someone with professional training should be doing.

We do need to take seriously when someone shares that they feel unsafe either emotionally and/or physically and not make a judgment based on how we experience the accused. Abusers are often very good at presenting a public face different from their private behavior. If you are concerned for someone, contact the proper professionals. There are hotlines where you can safely discuss the situation and they will guide you about next steps. Making sure the vulnerable have these hotline numbers is very important. Finally, in my experience with people who work on hotlines and with shelter organizations is that they know what they are doing, and they aren't trying to overtly break down anyone's faith. They are concerned about providing safety. They are an important resource for the vulnerable and for us.

Anxiety and stress are heightened for all of us living through this pandemic. We all need help in managing these and turning our attention from our fears and broken coping strategies to finding security in God our Father. We need to be able to acknowledge what we are feeling and bring them to the one who encourages us not to fear, following the examples of the psalmists.

May our God of compassion have mercy on us and lead us safely out of this pandemic.

Cynthia Lamb, MA

Staff Counselor

Grace DC

Links for some helpful articles on this topic follow this list of hotline numbers.

Resources for Immediate Help

National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522

Available 24/7. Can connect callers with local resources and immediate support. Also available through online chat tool.

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673

Provided by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Available 24/7. Also available through online chat tool.

Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741

Available 24/7 for victims of abuse and any other type of crisis.